I wanted to start off by sharing this beautiful devotional from Max Lucado, who has a way of making you feel like you are right there with Peter and Jesus.
He had turned his back on the sea to follow the Messiah. He had left the boats thinking he'd never return. But now he's back. Full circle. Same sea. Same boat. Maybe even the same spot.
But this isn't the same Peter. Three years of living with the Messiah have changed him. He's seen too much. Too many walking crippled, vacated graves, too many hours hearing his words. He's not the same Peter. It's the same Galilee, but a different fisherman.
Why did he return? What brought him back to Galilee after the crucifixion? Despair? Some think so—I don't. Hope dies hard for a man who has known Jesus. I think that's what Peter has. That's what brought him back. Hope. A bizarre hope that on the sea where he knew him first, he would know him again.
So Peter is in the boat, on the lake. Once again he's fished all night. Once again the sea has surrendered nothing.
His thoughts are interrupted by a shout from the shore. "Catch any fish?" Peter and John look up. Probably a villager. "No!" they yell. "Try the other side!" the voice yells back. John looks at Peter. What harm? So out sails the net. Peter wraps the rope around his wrist to wait.
But there is no wait. The rope pulls taut and the net catches. Peter sets his weight against the side of the boat and begins to bring in the net; reaching down, pulling up, reaching down, pulling up. He's so intense with the task, he misses the message.
John doesn't. The moment is déjà vu. This has happened before. The long night. The empty net. The call to cast again. Fish flapping on the floor of the boat.
Wait a minute. He lifts his eyes to the man on the shore. "It's him," he whispers.
Then louder, "It's Jesus."
Then shouting, "It's the Lord, Peter. It's the Lord!"
Peter turns and looks. Jesus has come. Not just Jesus the teacher, but Jesus the death-defeater, Jesus the king ... Jesus the victor over darkness. Jesus the God of heaven and earth is on the shore ... and he's building a fire.
Peter plunges into the water, swims to the shore, and stumbles out wet and shivering and stands in front of the friend he betrayed. Jesus has prepared a bed of coals. Both are aware of the last time Peter had stood near a fire. Peter had failed God, but God had come to him.
For one of the few times in his life, Peter is silent. What words would suffice? The moment is too holy for words. God is offering breakfast to the friend who betrayed him. And Peter is once again finding grace at Galilee.
What do you say at a moment like this?
What do you say at a moment such as this?
It's just you and God. You and God both know what you did. And neither one of you is proud of it. What do you do?
You might consider doing what Peter did. Stand in God's presence. Stand in his sight. Stand still and wait. Sometimes that's all a soul can do. Too repentant to speak, but too hopeful to leave—we just stand.
Stand amazed.
He has come back.
He invites you to try again. This time, with him.
Isn't this beautiful? Max Lucado rules. God is awesome!!!
And I just adore Peter. He just seems so human, doesn't he?
Maybe you have stumbled. Walked away from God. Denied Him, even.
Read that last sentence of Max Lucado's again, and let it really sink in.
He invites you to try again. This time, with him.
My heart soars when I read that.
I wish I knew more about the disciples, and I'm excited to really dig in as I start reading through the Bible tomorrow (join me--we are starting with Genesis 1 on July 1).
I know enough, though, that during times when I have wavered in my faith, their faith has convinced me that Jesus is who He says He is.
People will die for something that is true.
People will die for something that they believe is true, not knowing that it is a lie.
But how many people will die for something that they know is a lie? The disciples went from being a group of men that ran away in fear and denied Jesus, to men that boldly proclaimed the Gospel, and many of them died in horrific ways for this.
I won't go into great detail here, but who would allow themselves to be crucified upside down if they knew that what they were dying for was a lie? Wouldn't you deny everything at that point and beg for your life?
Unless you knew for sure with every fiber of your being that Jesus was the Christ, the Son of the living God.
I would love to hear about how Jesus has reached out to you, with love and mercy, and invited you to try again...this time, with Him.
6.30.2010
6.28.2010
THE BANQUET
LUKE 14
12Then Jesus said to his host, "When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. 13But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, 14and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."
Did you have a rough time growing up? I did.
I was a gentle, sensitive kid who loved learning, books, roller skating, animals, and the Lord.
Until middle school.
I tried so hard to be popular, and I always wanted to hang with the cool kids.
However, I could never get my hair to feather properly, thanks to a stubborn cowlick.
I never had the right color hightop Reeboks.
I couldn't get a boy to look at me to save my life.
I never knew the right thing to say, so I would usually just stand there with a silly grin on my face. (okay, that's still the case now)
I also struggled with bulimia, and became the subject of some really vicious gossip that just made the problem worse as I tried to feel like I had control over some part of my life.
But still, as I was laughed at and talked about and mocked (and this was before Facebook, Twitter, etc.) by the beautiful people, I longed to be their friend, and became somewhat vicious myself.
Decades later, I still had a hard time letting go of that desire to fit in and be admired. In some ways, the entertainment business is a little like high school, as a lot of folks are concerned with their image and being seen at the "right" places.
Then, I went to Jamaica.
It was not the Jamaica that you see in the ads, with people frolicking on the beach and dancing the night away.
This was Kingston and the outlying areas, and I was there on a missions trip with an incredible organization called Food For The Poor.
I spent three intense days makeup-free, sweaty and frizzy, covered in dust, serving some of the most amazing people I have ever met.
Most of them lived in tear-down shacks, not much bigger than a walk-in closet, with 3-10 other people. Everyone took turns sleeping on one filthy mattress, which got soggy when the rain came through the gaps in the plastic tarp they used for a roof.
Most hadn't eaten for a day or two until we showed up with some rice and chicken or fish for them.
Most were single mothers that told me how they cried at night after their children fell asleep because they didn't want their kids to hear them. They were crying in the bushes because they didn't have food for their kids for the next day, and there was no one that could help them.
They all welcomed us, most of us strangers from this country called America, with open arms, smiles, and an invitation to step into their homes and spend time with them. They shared their love of Christ with us, and their trust that He alone could provide for them.
I met children with HIV that had been abandoned by their parents. They were at a Food For The Poor orphanage, and came running out to greet us when our bus arrived. One little girl, who was probably 4 or 5, jumped on my back, put my sunglasses on her face, and clung to me for dear life for over an hour. They had to literally pull her off of me when it was time to leave, as I struggled to hide my tears.
How could I leave her there? I wanted to take her home with me. I can still close my eyes and see her face, even years later.
In the dust and the desperation and the smell of those tiny shacks, I finally found that girl I used to be.
That trip was only three days, but it broke me, and I came back a different person.
One who realized that there was nothing good in me without Christ, and that the folks I met in Jamaica had more faith in their pinky than I had in my entire body.
And that I felt more alive than I ever had when I completely forgot about myself and how I looked and if people liked me and just focused on helping others, which you can't help but do in the face of overhwhelming poverty.
I haven't been on a trip like this again, but I have found great joy in volunteering locally. And you know what I"ve discovered?
Even in areas that don't look as devastated as a third-world country, there can be a spirit of poverty that is crippling.
And that that is where I feel closest to my Jesus.
We can all do something to make a difference, whether that's in Jamaica or Africa or India or right here at home.
And I can guarantee that when you look at yourself as the least important person in the room, and focus on meeting someone else's needs, that desire for popularity or more money or the fancy job will start to melt away.
How's this for an inspiring idea?
I heard a story recently about a gal who threw a banquet for homeless people every year up until her death.
This woman would break out the fine china, pull out the beautiful linens, and serve up a feast fit for a king.
For one night, these folks weren't ignored, stepped over, screamed at, or shoved aside.
They were greeted with smiles, spoken to with respect, and treated with kindness.
And at the end of the night, her guests were sent back to the streets or the shelter or the car they slept in with a goody bag.
I would love to know what Jesus said to this woman as she opened her eyes and saw Him for the first time.
Will you share what you have done to make a difference by emailing me at lara@thefish959.com? Or maybe what someone has done for you?
I want to share this song from Hillsong United with you that feels more like a prayer (I've added the emphasis).
HOSANNA
I see the king of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes
Yeeeah
I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing
[Chorus]
Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest [x2]
I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees
[Chorus]
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity
12Then Jesus said to his host, "When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. 13But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, 14and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."
Did you have a rough time growing up? I did.
I was a gentle, sensitive kid who loved learning, books, roller skating, animals, and the Lord.
Until middle school.
I tried so hard to be popular, and I always wanted to hang with the cool kids.
However, I could never get my hair to feather properly, thanks to a stubborn cowlick.
I never had the right color hightop Reeboks.
I couldn't get a boy to look at me to save my life.
I never knew the right thing to say, so I would usually just stand there with a silly grin on my face. (okay, that's still the case now)
I also struggled with bulimia, and became the subject of some really vicious gossip that just made the problem worse as I tried to feel like I had control over some part of my life.
But still, as I was laughed at and talked about and mocked (and this was before Facebook, Twitter, etc.) by the beautiful people, I longed to be their friend, and became somewhat vicious myself.
Decades later, I still had a hard time letting go of that desire to fit in and be admired. In some ways, the entertainment business is a little like high school, as a lot of folks are concerned with their image and being seen at the "right" places.
Then, I went to Jamaica.
It was not the Jamaica that you see in the ads, with people frolicking on the beach and dancing the night away.
This was Kingston and the outlying areas, and I was there on a missions trip with an incredible organization called Food For The Poor.
I spent three intense days makeup-free, sweaty and frizzy, covered in dust, serving some of the most amazing people I have ever met.
Most of them lived in tear-down shacks, not much bigger than a walk-in closet, with 3-10 other people. Everyone took turns sleeping on one filthy mattress, which got soggy when the rain came through the gaps in the plastic tarp they used for a roof.
Most hadn't eaten for a day or two until we showed up with some rice and chicken or fish for them.
Most were single mothers that told me how they cried at night after their children fell asleep because they didn't want their kids to hear them. They were crying in the bushes because they didn't have food for their kids for the next day, and there was no one that could help them.
They all welcomed us, most of us strangers from this country called America, with open arms, smiles, and an invitation to step into their homes and spend time with them. They shared their love of Christ with us, and their trust that He alone could provide for them.
I met children with HIV that had been abandoned by their parents. They were at a Food For The Poor orphanage, and came running out to greet us when our bus arrived. One little girl, who was probably 4 or 5, jumped on my back, put my sunglasses on her face, and clung to me for dear life for over an hour. They had to literally pull her off of me when it was time to leave, as I struggled to hide my tears.
How could I leave her there? I wanted to take her home with me. I can still close my eyes and see her face, even years later.
In the dust and the desperation and the smell of those tiny shacks, I finally found that girl I used to be.
That trip was only three days, but it broke me, and I came back a different person.
One who realized that there was nothing good in me without Christ, and that the folks I met in Jamaica had more faith in their pinky than I had in my entire body.
And that I felt more alive than I ever had when I completely forgot about myself and how I looked and if people liked me and just focused on helping others, which you can't help but do in the face of overhwhelming poverty.
I haven't been on a trip like this again, but I have found great joy in volunteering locally. And you know what I"ve discovered?
Even in areas that don't look as devastated as a third-world country, there can be a spirit of poverty that is crippling.
And that that is where I feel closest to my Jesus.
We can all do something to make a difference, whether that's in Jamaica or Africa or India or right here at home.
And I can guarantee that when you look at yourself as the least important person in the room, and focus on meeting someone else's needs, that desire for popularity or more money or the fancy job will start to melt away.
How's this for an inspiring idea?
I heard a story recently about a gal who threw a banquet for homeless people every year up until her death.
This woman would break out the fine china, pull out the beautiful linens, and serve up a feast fit for a king.
For one night, these folks weren't ignored, stepped over, screamed at, or shoved aside.
They were greeted with smiles, spoken to with respect, and treated with kindness.
And at the end of the night, her guests were sent back to the streets or the shelter or the car they slept in with a goody bag.
I would love to know what Jesus said to this woman as she opened her eyes and saw Him for the first time.
Will you share what you have done to make a difference by emailing me at lara@thefish959.com? Or maybe what someone has done for you?
I want to share this song from Hillsong United with you that feels more like a prayer (I've added the emphasis).
HOSANNA
I see the king of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes
Yeeeah
I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing
[Chorus]
Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest [x2]
I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees
[Chorus]
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity
6.25.2010
THE INVISIBLE MOM MEETS THE PROVERBS 31 WOMAN
Proverbs 31
10 [c] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
A few days ago, I found myself standing in line for a double latte when I realized that something didn't seem right. I looked down...and realized my pants were on inside out. Hi, ten people standing behind me. Then I looked at Dallas, who had his shirt on backwards and dried prunes in his hair and on his ears.
Actually, I wasn't that worried about getting some funny looks, because lately--I feel like I"m invisible.
If you're a mom, do you ever feel like that?
On the extremely rare occasions that I straighten (and shampoo!) my hair, put on clothes without spit-up, and apply lipstick, I receive help in the bookstore.
When I"m in my sweats, hair in a messy ponytail, and struggling to balance a stroller and diaper bag while I open a door, folks can't look the other way fast enough.
And the sad part is, I used to be one of them.
When I was out with friends, if someone mentioned that they were a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), my eyes would start to glaze over while they talked about gymboree and getting a baby on a schedule. I was mentally going over my grocery list by the time they got to sleep deprivation.
"I will never get a mom haircut, " I would proclaim to my husband on the way home.
At this point, I barely have any hair left, after the hormonal crash and 2 chubby little hands that love nothing more than to grab my hair and pull on it like reins on a pony. Where are the scissors?!
I am so ashamed of my attitude. Is it because we have all been conditioned to only place value on accomplishments in the business world? Is it because it's hard to see, day by day, the character and values we are instilling in our children? Is it really all about the benjamins, to quote an old song?
I recently read a book by Darla Shine called Happy Housewives, and she talked about bringing back the art of homemaking, and how moms need to raise their spatulas and demand respect. :-)
I love that visual.
The truth is, I think being a mom is the hardest job there is, because it is nonstop. I do a lot of work from home, and trust me--when I'm in the office, that is like vacation. I can check email when I want to! Take a leisurely stroll down the hall for more coffee! Have a conversation without crying in the background!
And I don't know about you, but after 7 months, I"m still a little terrified of being left alone with my baby. What if I trip and knock myself out? Or something happens and I don't know what to do?
At the opposite end of the spectrum is the Proverbs 31 woman. I remember reading a whole book on this passage before I had a baby, and I was like, "Yes, I"ll learn how to sew and make scarlet and purple things! And buy property! And do lots of volunteer work with all of the free time I have when I have children!"
I think this must have made God smile. :-)
This lady has got the whole mom thing DOWN. I've got the getting up while it's still dark thing down, but that's about it.
Remember that commercial? I think it was for deodorant, but the line was, "Never let 'em see ya sweat?" That's this gal.
I don't know if I will ever be praised in the gates of the city (What would the modern-day equivalent be? Congress? Starbucks? TMZ.com?), but I cannot think of anything more amazing than my hubby and son calling me blessed. And I wish that for you, too.
I think the Proverbs 31 woman can be so amazing because she is not doing all this out of her own strength, but seeking God and allowing Him to sustain her and protect her from burnout.
And we can do the same.
Every day, if we are seeking God with all our heart, we will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13). And every day, we will reflect Him a little bit more. For me, every day I start to become more comfortable with a new definition of success, and a new way of looking at my day as successful and productive. And I fall more in love with my hubby and my son and my new life.
I would love to hear how being a mommy has changed you.
Aren't you glad we're not who we were?
Even if we are wearing pants that are on inside-out.
I'm Not Who I Was by Brandon Heath
I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who i was
Used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt-side too
But i'm not who I was
Found my way around
To foriving you, sometime ago
But I never got to tell you
So..
I found us in a photograph
Saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
Ooo, there you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who i was
When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you
Thinking that it's a funny thing
Figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who i was
I write about love and such
Maybe because I want it so much
I'm not who i was
I was thinkin' maybe I,
Should let you know
That I am not the same
But I never did forget your name
Hello
But the thing that I find most amazing,
The amazing grace
Is the chance to give it up
Maybe that's what love is all about
I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who i was
10 [c] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
A few days ago, I found myself standing in line for a double latte when I realized that something didn't seem right. I looked down...and realized my pants were on inside out. Hi, ten people standing behind me. Then I looked at Dallas, who had his shirt on backwards and dried prunes in his hair and on his ears.
Actually, I wasn't that worried about getting some funny looks, because lately--I feel like I"m invisible.
If you're a mom, do you ever feel like that?
On the extremely rare occasions that I straighten (and shampoo!) my hair, put on clothes without spit-up, and apply lipstick, I receive help in the bookstore.
When I"m in my sweats, hair in a messy ponytail, and struggling to balance a stroller and diaper bag while I open a door, folks can't look the other way fast enough.
And the sad part is, I used to be one of them.
When I was out with friends, if someone mentioned that they were a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), my eyes would start to glaze over while they talked about gymboree and getting a baby on a schedule. I was mentally going over my grocery list by the time they got to sleep deprivation.
"I will never get a mom haircut, " I would proclaim to my husband on the way home.
At this point, I barely have any hair left, after the hormonal crash and 2 chubby little hands that love nothing more than to grab my hair and pull on it like reins on a pony. Where are the scissors?!
I am so ashamed of my attitude. Is it because we have all been conditioned to only place value on accomplishments in the business world? Is it because it's hard to see, day by day, the character and values we are instilling in our children? Is it really all about the benjamins, to quote an old song?
I recently read a book by Darla Shine called Happy Housewives, and she talked about bringing back the art of homemaking, and how moms need to raise their spatulas and demand respect. :-)
I love that visual.
The truth is, I think being a mom is the hardest job there is, because it is nonstop. I do a lot of work from home, and trust me--when I'm in the office, that is like vacation. I can check email when I want to! Take a leisurely stroll down the hall for more coffee! Have a conversation without crying in the background!
And I don't know about you, but after 7 months, I"m still a little terrified of being left alone with my baby. What if I trip and knock myself out? Or something happens and I don't know what to do?
At the opposite end of the spectrum is the Proverbs 31 woman. I remember reading a whole book on this passage before I had a baby, and I was like, "Yes, I"ll learn how to sew and make scarlet and purple things! And buy property! And do lots of volunteer work with all of the free time I have when I have children!"
I think this must have made God smile. :-)
This lady has got the whole mom thing DOWN. I've got the getting up while it's still dark thing down, but that's about it.
Remember that commercial? I think it was for deodorant, but the line was, "Never let 'em see ya sweat?" That's this gal.
I don't know if I will ever be praised in the gates of the city (What would the modern-day equivalent be? Congress? Starbucks? TMZ.com?), but I cannot think of anything more amazing than my hubby and son calling me blessed. And I wish that for you, too.
I think the Proverbs 31 woman can be so amazing because she is not doing all this out of her own strength, but seeking God and allowing Him to sustain her and protect her from burnout.
And we can do the same.
Every day, if we are seeking God with all our heart, we will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13). And every day, we will reflect Him a little bit more. For me, every day I start to become more comfortable with a new definition of success, and a new way of looking at my day as successful and productive. And I fall more in love with my hubby and my son and my new life.
I would love to hear how being a mommy has changed you.
Aren't you glad we're not who we were?
Even if we are wearing pants that are on inside-out.
I'm Not Who I Was by Brandon Heath
I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who i was
Used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt-side too
But i'm not who I was
Found my way around
To foriving you, sometime ago
But I never got to tell you
So..
I found us in a photograph
Saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
Ooo, there you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who i was
When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you
Thinking that it's a funny thing
Figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who i was
I write about love and such
Maybe because I want it so much
I'm not who i was
I was thinkin' maybe I,
Should let you know
That I am not the same
But I never did forget your name
Hello
But the thing that I find most amazing,
The amazing grace
Is the chance to give it up
Maybe that's what love is all about
I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who i was
6.23.2010
I GET IT NOW
Back in the day, when I was young and single, I worked for a station that played hip-hop and pop music.
One day, my boss told me about a new song we would be adding to our playlist. "It's a little different than what we normally play," he said. "It's a Christian song that's crossed over into the mainstream, and is creating all kinds of buzz. It's a sensation! This hasn't happened since Place In This World by Michael W. Smith."
Then, he proceeded to play...Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle.
"I don't get it," I said. "THIS is a sensation? It seems kind of cheesy to me. I thought we were adding Puff Daddy."
It went on to become pretty much the biggest hit in the history of the station.
I moved away, got married, switched to Christian radio, and had a baby.
A few days ago, I needed to fold some of Dallas's laundry, so I plopped him down in his crib (the above pic is him showing off his new trick of opening his mouth and smooshing his face against the side of his pack 'n play) and got him all set up with his bunny, blocks, and Squishy Turtle book. I thought some music would be nice, so I fired up the Iphone and got to work putting things away.
And there it was.
"There's two things I know for sure...."
I had not even folded a sock before I was blowing my nose into one of Dallas's baby washcloths.
Dallas is not daddy's little girl, but he was definitely sent to his mommy from Heaven.
"For butterfly kisses, after bedtime prayer..."
It quickly turned into an ugly cry, where your nose swells and everything turns red. I ran to grab Dallas, who was cooing over Squishy Turtle, and hugged him as tight as I could, sobbing into his one little curl, "Butterfly Kisses is the best song ever!!! Please don't grow up and leave Mama!!!"
Were you obsessed with time when your baby was little?
For those first few weeks, all I could think about was speeding time up so I could get some sleep. We were up and down about every 30 minutes, it seemed. No, wait--we actually WERE up and down every 30 minutes. Dallas just seemed so tiny, and so helpless, and he was always crying and seemed like he was in pain. And that wobbly head! I practically had a heart attack every time I had to bathe him, and I still can't bring myself to trim those teeny nails (I make my hubby do that. But he also drinks about a pot less coffee than me every morning, so his hands are less shaky.).
People told me he would grow, and things would change. "No!" I sobbed, convinced that my baby would be the first baby ever that would remain a newborn.
Every parent and grandparent that I saw would say things like, "I would give anything to have my sons that age again for just one day," while gazing longingly at Dallas, who was usually screaming his head off.
And then one day, he slept through the night.
And sat up on his own.
And started eating solids.
And pulled himself to standing.
And outgrew his swing. "It's the end of an era, " my husband proclaimed, as he packed everything up and my lower lip started to tremble.
I'm now obsessed with time in a different way. I want to slow it down, and keep my sweet boy in a place where I can soothe his tears with a bottle, and solve most problems with a kiss and a cuddle. Right now, I can make sure he's not hanging out with friends who are not good for him, and I'm not up late wondering where he is and why he won't answer his cell. He is just learning to crawl, so I don't have to deal with the heartache of him falling in love with a gal who lives in Europe and moving halfway across the world.
But I see all of that on the horizon suddenly.
Bob Carlisle, if somehow you are are reading this, I get it now. Boy, do I get it now. Thank you for this beautiful song that is straight from your heart. And I'm so glad that we added you over Puff Daddy.
Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle
There's two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven and she's
daddy's little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and
I thank god for all the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her
hair; "Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride."
"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."
In all that I've done wrong I know I must
have done something right to deserve a hug
every morning and butterfly kisses at night.
Sweet 16 today
She's looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.
But I remember
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer; sticking
little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you, Daddy, But if you
don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time."
With all that I've done wrong I must have done
something right to deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night.
All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly.
Spread your wings and fly.
She'll change her name today.
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said "I'm not
sure-I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."
She leaned over...gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there,
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk my down the aisle, Daddy-it's just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry!"
Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have
done something right.
To deserve your love every morning and butterfly
kisses-I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is.
I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.
6.21.2010
OLD HABITS DIE HARD
Romans 7
15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
My mom is in town visiting us (and by us, I mean she came only for Baby Dallas, lol), so my hubby and I snuck out to see a movie on Father's Day. We were in the first row of the bleacher seating, and there were two older ladies out by themselves sitting in the two handicapped seats on each side of the floor area in front of us. One gal was having trouble with the arm rest, so we helped her ease it down, and the other gal had her walker parked right next to her. When she whipped out a big bag of popcorn that she had brought from home, I started crying. We were at an action movie, so I got some strange looks, although the movie was so bad that I could have wept over that. Why were they alone on Father's Day? Were their husbands dead? Where were their kids? Had they moved away and stopped visiting or even calling? Was she not able to afford movie popcorn? Granted, it is 20 bux a bag, but still.
And I wondered why I can scream at my husband, snap at my mom, and get frustrated with my baby for pulling my hair for the twentieth time, yet ten minutes later feel like my heart will break when I see a stranger shuffling into a lobby, or sitting alone at a bus stop.
I think this passage from Romans says it all. I do not understand what I do. Do you ever feel that way? You have the best of intentions, but when something rubs you the wrong way, you instantly have a less-than-gracious response. I think the answer is also in this passage: It is sin living in me. It is my nature. That thought terrifies me. Not to be graphic, but you know how in movies about aliens there is usually one that ends up inside someone, and they end up screaming something like, "Get it out! Get it out!" That's how I feel. Usually, the guy with the alien in his tummy doesn't meet a pretty ending. For us, when it comes to getting rid of this sinful nature, thanks to what Christ has done, and only because of what Christ has done, there is hope.
One of the books that changed my life is The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard (Yes, he is one reason we named our son Dallas). He talks about how just trying to be better or kinder or more loving or more patient is not going to work, because sin is our default setting. We have to literally train ourselves (using spiritual disciplines) to bring ourselves to a place where grace is our natural reaction, no matter what happens.
I realized something else yesterday. In the craziness that is the life of this working mom, sleep and reading my Bible have been the first two things to go.
I'm not sure how to get more sleep at this point, unless you can let me know of a way to sleep in the shower or while on the radio. Actually, I did fall asleep once under the desk when I was on the air about ten years ago, but thankfully the computer just kept the music playing, and no one ever knew. I think the listeners just enjoyed the fact that there was more music. :-)
I have got to get myself back into God's Word, however. I notice that I am a different person when I am spending time with Him, and really letting his Truth sink into my soul.
You know what I've found myself doing? Reading lots of books about the Bible. I think it was Johnny Cash who said something like, "You know, the Bible really sheds a lot of light on all those commentaries." :-)
Maybe you're like me, and you have a hard time carving out a few minutes of peace and quiet in the midst of chaos. The tv or radio is blaring, the kids are yelling, your spouse is talking to you, and your email inbox is full. Taking a few moments to be still before the Lord almost starts to seem like something you don't have time for, right? You tell yourself that you'll listen to a Biblical teaching program, or read a devotional written by a pastor in that overflowing email inbox. Isn't that a good way to be fed? Besides, the cat just threw up again, and you've got to clean that up before you throw the laundry in, brush your hair (if you're lucky), scrub the dried egg off the stove, find the baby's other sock, locate the extra diapers, and head to work. Oops! You forgot to gas up the car. Looks like you will be late once again.
If we wait to have time to be still, it is never going to happen.
I want to invite you to join me in reading the entire Bible. I'm going to start at the beginning, literally, with "In the beginning." July 1st will be Genesis 1, July 2nd will be Genesis 2, etc. One chapter a day.
Full Disclosure: I did get ONE book about the Bible that I"m going to read as I do this. It's called "What The Bible Is All About" by Henrietta Mears, and it goes book by book and digs deeper into the Bible and kind of ties everything together in a way that looks exciting.
Old habits die hard, but they do die. :-)
6.17.2010
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY: THE LORD WILL TAKE ME IN
Holidays are interesting, aren't they?
They can be the best of times, and the worst of times.
Exhibit A: Valentine's Day!
Awesome when you are in love. Not so much when you're not.
As we talk about Father's Day or whatever holiday is happening on my show, I try to be sensitive to the fact that it might not be a joyous day for everyone.
This week, I've blogged about my hubby and my dad. I'll tell you the story about my son pulling himself to standing at the end of this blog. But right now, I want to share a verse with you for Father's Day.
This is for you if you have a troubled relationship with your father, or maybe never even knew him:
Psalm 27:10"For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the LORD will take me in."
I love the promise in this verse. The psalmist is not wondering if maybe God will have a place for him--that is a declaration that the Lord WILL take him in.
I had a rocky relationship with my family for many years. After my parents divorced, they moved on to new relationships immediately, and I felt that there was no room for me in this new life. I started to wonder how anyone would ever love me, since my own mom and dad didn't seem to have time for me. This led to some very, very bad choices in my quest to prove that I could matter to someone.
I want to tell you that although your family might reject you, you DO matter to Someone, and that Someone created the universe. He not only delights in you, but he will quiet you with his love and rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17) If that doesn't make you special, I'm not sure what does. :-)
This next passage is for you if you have lost your husband or your father:
5He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
It seems like these days people are a little scared to make definite statements. I don't know if that's because we don't know what truth is anymore, or we don't want to offend people that don't feel the same way. You hear qualifiers like, "Well, I don't really know, but....." or "I'm not certain, but I sure hope..." before facts are given.
Just like in the verse from Psalm, check out the declaration in the above passage from Revelation. It is a promise, not wishful thinking. My sweet friend, one day God WILL wipe away those tears that never seem to stop falling. One day soon, all things will be made new.
I know that there is nothing I can say that will take away the ache when all you want is for that man you love to walk through the door, but I pray that you will know that I am grieving with you. That I am praying for you to find joy on Sunday. And that where you are right now in your life is a place where Grace is soon to be so amazing.
Unredeemed by Selah
The cruelest world
The coldest heart
The deepest wound
The endless dark
The lonely ache
The burning tears
The bitter nights
The wasted years
Life breaks and falls apart
But we know these are
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed
For every choice that led to shame
And all the love that never came
For every vow that someone broke
And every lie that gave up hope
We live in the shadow of the fall
But the cross says these are all
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But you never know the miracle the Father has in store
Just watch and see
It will not be
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed
WAIT 'til you hear the actual song! Selah is my favorite group. and that is on their You Deliver Me Cd.
Thank you for sticking with me 'til the end of this post! Hey, do you remember when your child pulled up to standing for the first time? Dallas is 7 months today, and it just happened!!!
My hubby's boss let him borrow his car (that is a trusting man right there), which is a cool classic Corvette. We had it for one night, so we decided to take pics of the baby on the hood of the car and behind the wheel.
Well, as soon as we got D in the front seat (with mommy lying on the ground next to it so he wouldn't fall), he grabbed that steering wheel and popped up! Thankfully, he can't reach the pedals yet. :-) And of course, the camera batteries DIED at that exact moment.
They can be the best of times, and the worst of times.
Exhibit A: Valentine's Day!
Awesome when you are in love. Not so much when you're not.
As we talk about Father's Day or whatever holiday is happening on my show, I try to be sensitive to the fact that it might not be a joyous day for everyone.
This week, I've blogged about my hubby and my dad. I'll tell you the story about my son pulling himself to standing at the end of this blog. But right now, I want to share a verse with you for Father's Day.
This is for you if you have a troubled relationship with your father, or maybe never even knew him:
Psalm 27:10"For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the LORD will take me in."
I love the promise in this verse. The psalmist is not wondering if maybe God will have a place for him--that is a declaration that the Lord WILL take him in.
I had a rocky relationship with my family for many years. After my parents divorced, they moved on to new relationships immediately, and I felt that there was no room for me in this new life. I started to wonder how anyone would ever love me, since my own mom and dad didn't seem to have time for me. This led to some very, very bad choices in my quest to prove that I could matter to someone.
I want to tell you that although your family might reject you, you DO matter to Someone, and that Someone created the universe. He not only delights in you, but he will quiet you with his love and rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17) If that doesn't make you special, I'm not sure what does. :-)
This next passage is for you if you have lost your husband or your father:
Revelation 21:4-5
4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."5He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
It seems like these days people are a little scared to make definite statements. I don't know if that's because we don't know what truth is anymore, or we don't want to offend people that don't feel the same way. You hear qualifiers like, "Well, I don't really know, but....." or "I'm not certain, but I sure hope..." before facts are given.
Just like in the verse from Psalm, check out the declaration in the above passage from Revelation. It is a promise, not wishful thinking. My sweet friend, one day God WILL wipe away those tears that never seem to stop falling. One day soon, all things will be made new.
I know that there is nothing I can say that will take away the ache when all you want is for that man you love to walk through the door, but I pray that you will know that I am grieving with you. That I am praying for you to find joy on Sunday. And that where you are right now in your life is a place where Grace is soon to be so amazing.
Unredeemed by Selah
The cruelest world
The coldest heart
The deepest wound
The endless dark
The lonely ache
The burning tears
The bitter nights
The wasted years
Life breaks and falls apart
But we know these are
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed
For every choice that led to shame
And all the love that never came
For every vow that someone broke
And every lie that gave up hope
We live in the shadow of the fall
But the cross says these are all
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But you never know the miracle the Father has in store
Just watch and see
It will not be
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed
WAIT 'til you hear the actual song! Selah is my favorite group. and that is on their You Deliver Me Cd.
Thank you for sticking with me 'til the end of this post! Hey, do you remember when your child pulled up to standing for the first time? Dallas is 7 months today, and it just happened!!!
My hubby's boss let him borrow his car (that is a trusting man right there), which is a cool classic Corvette. We had it for one night, so we decided to take pics of the baby on the hood of the car and behind the wheel.
6.16.2010
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY: KING OF THE WORLD
Apparently, sleeping was my LEAST favorite thing as a child.
In the first few weeks of life with my son Dallas, I remember sobbing to my Dad on the phone and asking when things would get easier.
He started laughing (which made me scream in the middle of the street while pushing the stroller with the screaming baby in it), and saying that he and my mom didn't sleep 'til I was five.
FIVE?!
I think that Dallas is what is known as a payback child. :-)
Now that things have calmed down, I can finally laugh along with my dad.
He would work crazy hours at the hospital, and then come home and rock me to sleep on his chest while watching The Tonight Show. He would rock for hours, and once my eyes closed, he would sneak over to the crib and ever-so-gently put me down.
The moment my little toe or elbow touched the mattress.....WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
And it was back to the rocking chair and Johnny and Ed. :-)
Now that I"m a parent (something tells me I will be uttering that phrase a LOT over the next 18 years), I appreciate my Dad more than ever.
I could fill a novel with what I admire about my Dad.
He taught me the value of hard work. He was a doctor, and would meet a sick patient at his office late at night or on the weekend if they needed him. I remember pushing my sister up and down the hallway in the office wheelchair on Saturdays while he examined people. I also liked to pound her knee with the hammer-looking thing to see if her reflex would kick in. She was not as big a fan of that. :-)
My Dad lived out his faith in a quiet way, and personified kindness, honesty, and integrity. He would give patients that didn't have enough money for treatment a huge discount, or he would treat them for free, but he never talked about that or all the nice things he did.
Even though he was busy, Dad always found time for us. Some of my earliest memories are of the two of us sitting side by side and working on our stamp collections. He read a lot, too, which helped instill a lifelong love of reading in me.
Dad, I just want to say that you were right about everything. It has taken me a couple of decades to admit this. In fact, now I wish you had been even stricter. :-)
Thank you for always waiting up for me when I went out and stayed out past curfew as a teenager.
Thank you for installing the alarm system on the house. I know it was more to keep me in than the bad guys out, but I am now so glad that sneaking out was never an option. :-)
Thank you for coming to get me in the middle of the night when I was at Melanie Barker's house, and making me come home immediately as a punishment. I know I shouldn't have let Melanie wear my sister's new sweatshirt from Express and then lied about it, but that incident has always stayed with me and helped teach me that actions have consequences.
Thank you for listening to me on all of my radio shows over the years, and emailing everyone you know to tell them to listen to your daughter. And thank you for going on the radio and giving away the tickets to the Prince concert so many years ago when I was in Portland. If you have never heard a 70-something man do a ticket giveaway for Prince tix, you are really missing out. :-)
Thank you for loving Dallas so much, even though you haven't met him yet. He loves you already, and adores playing peek-a-boo with his Grandpa on Skype.
Dad, God knew exactly what he was doing when he made you my father. I am so sorry that I let so many years go by before telling you this. I love you. Happy Father's Day!
King Of The World by Point Of Grace
Spinning around of the tops of his feet
smiles of the angels can not be so sweet
wide blue eyes and piggy tails swirl
shes her daddy´s girl
cuz he knows the jokes that always make her laugh
takes her for ice cream instead of her nap
at the end of the day by the light of the moon
they turn up the music in their living room
and she yells
dance me dance me around till my feet dont ever touch down theres nothing better than being your girl and if i am your princess then daddy you are the king of the world
its funny how life moves in circles of time to think not so long ago that face was mine houses get smaller we take different names but some things in life stay the same
dance me dance me around till my feet dont ever touch down theres nothing better than being your girl and if i am your princess than daddy you are the king of the world
some day she'll go off and find a life of her own and marry a good man and make a happy home until she comes back and sees with those same eyes what time can not disguise she walks through the door with that look on her face cuz daddy´s brown hair has all turned to gray they talk for hours they cry and they laugh watchin old movies and thinking back, just as she turns to go she says hey dad how bout one for the road
dance me dance me around till my feet don´t ever touch down
dance me dance me around till my feet dont ever touch down cuz theres nothing better than being your girl oh no theres nothing better than being your girl and if i am your princess then daddy you are the king of the world
king of the world
Spinning around of the tops of his feet
smiles of the angels could not be so sweet
6.14.2010
FISHFEST!!!
It was so wonderful to see you and meet you on Saturday!!!!
We have lots of artists pics and videos on our Fish Facebook, and you can share what you liked about the day there. :-)
Wasn't everybody AWESOME?!
Thank you so very much for the warm welcome for Baby Dallas, too! He had so much fun on the stage and meeting everyone and watching everything that he didn't want to go home. My hubby left right before TobyMac went on, and my last glimpse of D that day was him being put into the car seat with his little arms reaching out toward the stage, with REAL TEARS rolling down his cheeks. He then fell asleep about 45 seconds after the car started. :-)
We have lots of artists pics and videos on our Fish Facebook, and you can share what you liked about the day there. :-)
Wasn't everybody AWESOME?!
Thank you so very much for the warm welcome for Baby Dallas, too! He had so much fun on the stage and meeting everyone and watching everything that he didn't want to go home. My hubby left right before TobyMac went on, and my last glimpse of D that day was him being put into the car seat with his little arms reaching out toward the stage, with REAL TEARS rolling down his cheeks. He then fell asleep about 45 seconds after the car started. :-)
6.11.2010
DON'T FORGET YOUR SPLAT MAT!!!
I"m the kind of person that can be a little.....shall we say....controlling!!!Whether it's how I come across when I meet new people, or acting like I have it all together at church, or keeping the house clean, control used to be my middle name. Note the use of the past tense there.
Then, the hurricane hit. It came in the form of an 8 pound, 6 ounce miracle named Dallas, who turned my world upside down.
Let's back up a few months.
Our house is done in minimalist style. The moment I saw a tuft of cat hair float by, like a tumbleweed, I had the Swiffer out.
If my husband dropped crumbs on the counter, I was right there with a sponge before he could even get the sandwich to his mouth.
So when it came time to buy baby gear, I thought that we would get by with a crib, a few onesies, and a modest stack of diapers and wipes.
My dad insisted on sending a baby swing. I complained that it took up too much room, and besides--the baby would be sleeping peacefully in the crib all day and night.
I went to Babies R Us and bought a few bibs. You know, just in case I might need them one day. "Don't forget your splat mat!" the nice gal that worked there called out as I walked away from the aisle with all the feeding stuff. "It goes under the high chair to catch all the food the baby will drop. Babies get food everywhere."
"Oh, we won't be needing that. Our style is minimalist, and all the baby gear doesn't match what we already have," I replied.
I thought that having a baby would like adopting a puppy. I would be busier, and it might be a tad messy, but basically, life would be the same.
Cut to November 19th, the day we came home from the hospital with Dallas.
"Get to Babies R Us NOW!" I screamed at my husband, as I handed him a 3 page list of baby gear and tried to calm a hysterical baby that got even more hysterical every time I tried to put him down. "And when is your mother coming?! Tomorrow? Can she come sooner?! Wait, don't leave me alone with him!!! Have you set up the swing yet?! Where is the breast pump?! What are all these tubes?! You have to have a special bra for it? I DON'T HAVE THE SPECIAL BRA!!!!!!"
I think the postpartum depression hit that day. I think I will blog about this in another post, as you don't hear much about it, but just about every mom I"ve talked to has whispered that she has gone through it.
I struggled for months and months, and I am so sad that I wasted those precious early days frantically looking online and calling friends, trying to find something--anything--that would make life easier, or the way it used to be.
I loved my son from the moment I met him, but I was woefully underprepared for what it meant to take care of a newborn. And for a career gal who had spent 20 years living at a frantic pace and solving problems left and right...well, here was a "problem" that would not be handled.
Dallas wouldn't eat.
He wouldn't sleep.
He cried nonstop.
And so did I.
I had read all the books and taken the classes. Why couldn't I make this baby do what I wanted him to do?
I went from feeling like I had everything right where I wanted it to be, to someone who could barely get out of bed.
And now, looking back, I am so glad that I finally realized that I was not in control, I had never been in control, and I will never be in control.
I remember one night at 2 a.m. (I think Dallas was about 8 weeks old) when I let out a wail. And I just surrendered. I prayed that God would bring me through this, and I cried out that I could not do one thing on my own. I asked for forgiveness for my attitude, and begged for strength.
I would like to say that the next day, everything was great. But, just like when I got saved, life changed gradually. I started to find time to shower. Dallas started to sleep a little more, and he really liked his swing (thank you for insisting on that, Dad!). I came back to work and started to learn how to balance mommyhood and a job. But I had changed on the inside.
I don't care how I come across anymore. I'm very open about my flaws, because I'm just too tired to pretend that I"ve got my act together. Nor do I want anyone else to feel that they are the only one struggling. I just want to live a genuine, authentic life that reflects the love of Christ. And I realize (finally) that everything that is happening is being allowed by God for the purpose of growing me. And that life is more fun when you are willing to get a little messy. Like, dip your hands in the sweet potatoes and rice cereal and smear it all over the high chair and in your face and hair and ears messy. Maybe even turn the bowl upside down and wave it around and spray food all over the walls and floor messy.
Thank goodness I went back and got that splat mat. :-)
Dallas, thank you for making my life a glorious mess. Mommy loves you to the moon and back.
Are YOU ready to let your walls down? Check out the new Tenth Avenue North song, Healing Begins. I hope it blesses you and speaks to you like it did to me.
So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside
So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear
So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
6.09.2010
A THOUSAND LITTLE DEATHS
Our sermon last week was on Jesus and the widow of Nain, which you can read in Luke 7:
11Soon afterward, Jesus went to a town called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd went along with him. 12As he approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out—the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the town was with her. 13When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, "Don't cry."
14Then he went up and touched the coffin, and those carrying it stood still. He said, "Young man, I say to you, get up!" 15The dead man sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him back to his mother.
16They were all filled with awe and praised God. "A great prophet has appeared among us," they said. "God has come to help his people." 17This news about Jesus spread throughout Judea[a] and the surrounding country.
Our pastor pointed out something that I have missed every time I've read this story, and made it really come alive in the way he explained it:
The mother in this story doesn't ask Jesus for anything!
Can you picture this mother?
Her husband is dead.
Her son is dead.
She is as good as dead, as there was no way she could provide for herself. No shelter to go to, no charity to bring her food, no social security. I imagine her shuffling along...barely able to stand up straight...overcome with grief and not even able to speak. Maybe she didn't even realize Jesus was there.
But He was right there. Jesus sees her, His heart breaks as he takes in the scene, and HE goes to HER and heals her son.
He not only gives her son new life, but he really brings her back to life, too.
How beautiful is that?
And here's how it applies to you and me.
We can die a thousand little deaths every day. Maybe it's the hurt we feel in being rejected by a friend, or in the loss of a job, or in just being stressed out and tired beyond belief.
Sometimes, we are not even able to cry out to God. Maybe we feel like we have forgotten how to pray, or we wonder if anyone is even listening.
But Jesus is right there beside us, reaching out to us.
You know, I love looking at old folks in church.
To see an elderly man or woman that can barely stand closing their eyes, lifting their hands, and singing "How Great Thou Art" never fails to make me cry. Yes, I cry very easily, but this touches my heart for so many reasons.
How many family members has this person buried? Have they buried their spouse?
How many wars have they lived through?
How many serious health issues have they dealt with?
But instead of shaking their fist at the sky and screaming, "Why??!!"
Here they are.
In the twilight of their life.
Worshiping the One that they have learned is constantly beside them, reaching into their pain, and bringing them back to life again and again.
I don't think any of us would ever ask for a trial, but when those hard times do come, they have a way of making Jesus real.
When everything is stripped away, maybe to the point that we don't even know how we will care for our children, we learn what trust really is, and that He is right there, looking at us with compassion.
I wanted to share the lyrics to one of my favorite songs with you, and I hope that this brings you peace, and that you literally feel the gentle touch of Christ as He brings you back to life with His love.
Beautiful Beautiful by Francesca Battistelli
Don’t know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace
(Chorus)
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful
Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face
(Chorus)
I have come undone
But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace
(Chorus)
11Soon afterward, Jesus went to a town called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd went along with him. 12As he approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out—the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the town was with her. 13When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, "Don't cry."
14Then he went up and touched the coffin, and those carrying it stood still. He said, "Young man, I say to you, get up!" 15The dead man sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him back to his mother.
16They were all filled with awe and praised God. "A great prophet has appeared among us," they said. "God has come to help his people." 17This news about Jesus spread throughout Judea[a] and the surrounding country.
Our pastor pointed out something that I have missed every time I've read this story, and made it really come alive in the way he explained it:
The mother in this story doesn't ask Jesus for anything!
Can you picture this mother?
Her husband is dead.
Her son is dead.
She is as good as dead, as there was no way she could provide for herself. No shelter to go to, no charity to bring her food, no social security. I imagine her shuffling along...barely able to stand up straight...overcome with grief and not even able to speak. Maybe she didn't even realize Jesus was there.
But He was right there. Jesus sees her, His heart breaks as he takes in the scene, and HE goes to HER and heals her son.
He not only gives her son new life, but he really brings her back to life, too.
How beautiful is that?
And here's how it applies to you and me.
We can die a thousand little deaths every day. Maybe it's the hurt we feel in being rejected by a friend, or in the loss of a job, or in just being stressed out and tired beyond belief.
Sometimes, we are not even able to cry out to God. Maybe we feel like we have forgotten how to pray, or we wonder if anyone is even listening.
But Jesus is right there beside us, reaching out to us.
You know, I love looking at old folks in church.
To see an elderly man or woman that can barely stand closing their eyes, lifting their hands, and singing "How Great Thou Art" never fails to make me cry. Yes, I cry very easily, but this touches my heart for so many reasons.
How many family members has this person buried? Have they buried their spouse?
How many wars have they lived through?
How many serious health issues have they dealt with?
But instead of shaking their fist at the sky and screaming, "Why??!!"
Here they are.
In the twilight of their life.
Worshiping the One that they have learned is constantly beside them, reaching into their pain, and bringing them back to life again and again.
I don't think any of us would ever ask for a trial, but when those hard times do come, they have a way of making Jesus real.
When everything is stripped away, maybe to the point that we don't even know how we will care for our children, we learn what trust really is, and that He is right there, looking at us with compassion.
I wanted to share the lyrics to one of my favorite songs with you, and I hope that this brings you peace, and that you literally feel the gentle touch of Christ as He brings you back to life with His love.
Beautiful Beautiful by Francesca Battistelli
Don’t know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace
(Chorus)
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful
Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face
(Chorus)
I have come undone
But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace
(Chorus)
6.08.2010
FOR ALL THE FISHFEST INFO YOU COULD EVER WANT...
...check out http://www.fish959.com/. Just click on the Fishfest button!
Facebook has info, too!
And how 'bout following us on Twitter for instant updates?
FB and Twitter are also linked from our site, in the "Connect With The Fish" section.
See ya Saturday!!!
Did you hear that the weather is going to be bee-yoo-tee-full? Sunny and close to 80! This might be the first year that I am not sporting a sweat mustache in all the pics, lol. :-)
6.07.2010
CONFESSIONS OF A (THRIFT-STORE) SHOPAHOLIC
I always wanted to be able to sigh over a nice pair of shoes, but I didn't want to go into debt (my first roommate had creditors calling the house night and day), I was always more into...books. :-)
I love the look of books.
I love the smell of books. Can the Kindle or Ipad give me that nice book smell?
I love the promise of bringing home something new.
For years, I bought TONS of self-help books, convinced that if I could just find that ONE book with the ONE piece of advice that I needed, life would be amazing.
The great news is that I found that book. It's called The Bible. :-)
Anyway, I never really got the shopping bug until I wandered into a vintage store a few years ago and fell for a leopard-print coat from the 1950s. I posed in front of the mirror like I was Ava Gardner, and made up a whole story of how she could have worn the coat on a date with Frank Sinatra back in the day. Btw, I don't recommend wearing a leopard-print coat when you are nine (really ten!) months pregnant, as I attempted to do last fall.
I now pretty much exclusively shop at thrift, and sometimes vintage, stores. In fact, 90% of what Dallas and I wear is "gently used." I have finally been bitten by the shopping bug. To know that I can go crazy and grab purses and shoes and sunglasses, and then be rung up to the tune of $34.99 for ten things, is sweet music to my ears.
But I also love the idea of giving an unwanted piece of clothing another chance. Did I mention that I was fostering 9 cats and had a special-needs dog when I met my hubby? :-) For so much of my life, I looked at myself as damaged goods...unwanted, alone, rejected, unworthy of anything good...that I have a soft spot for anything or anyone that might be deemed "not good enough." And I talk a lot on the radio about how no one is so far gone that the love of Christ cannot reach them. God is all about second chances (Exhibit A: Rahab, in the book of Joshua), and it was a wonderful surprise to me when I dug into the Bible and discovered all these flawed people that were used by Him. Before I actually read the Bible for myself, I thought that to be a Christian you had to be perfectly dressed, have parents that were still married, and never have made a mistake.
Okay, back to shopping. :-) Dallas (who is starting to look a little like a linebacker--what's in that whole-grain oatmeal baby cereal?!) is sporting a cool vintage t-shirt in the above pic that I got for $2.
And I"ve started checking out books from the library, instead of buying new ones. Did you know they still have storytime for the kids? For some reason, that is so sweet it makes me cry. :-)
Do you "thrift?" Where do you love to go? Where do you find great deals on items for your family?
6.04.2010
MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST STAY HOME AND MAKE PANCAKES
Did you hear the exciting news?
Producer Ryan (from the morning show) got engaged!!!
It would be really cool if you sent him a quick congrats at ryan@thefish959.com.
His fiancee is a beautiful, nice gal named Melissa.
Yay!
Now we can start asking them when the date is. And as soon as they're married, we can start asking when they will be having kids. ;-)
Aaaahhhh....when you hear about someone starting out on this journey, doesn't it make you reminisce about your own story?
Part of the reason that I came back to the Lord a few years ago was because of my husband. I walked away from God as a teenager, not even really sure that He existed. By the time I hit my 20s, I was making bad choices left and right and looking for something that would take away my pain.
My (future) hubby and I had been dating a few years when I realized that I wanted to clean myself up and be a person that was worthy of him. The short version is that I started going to church on my own, and rededicated my life to God. With His help, I was able to to get myself under control, but it was not an overnight process.
(future) Hubby and I got engaged shortly after that, and I continued going to church. I remember reading The Purpose-Driven Life on our honeymoon, and really feeling like a new life was beginning. Suddenly, all of the bad things that had happened to me made sense, and I realized that God was going to work everything out.
And they all lived happily ever after, right?
(Insert the sound of the needle scratching off the record here.)
When I shared this with my hubby, he announced that faith was a private thing, and that he didn't like the churches I was checking out as I was trying to find a church home close to our new house. He came with me to one once, and ended up walking out before worship was over. He walked home rather than stay there with me. He wouldn't pray with me or read the Bible, and he didn't want to hear about what I was learning. He thought religious people were hypocrites...end of story. There were many references to televangelists who took money from older folks.
I was shocked, because I thought that since he had seen this former hard-partying, crazy woman become a happy, trustworthy, clean person he would automatically want some of whatever it was that I had found. Not so much. And I am sharing this story with you in case you are married to an unbelieving spouse. I know what this is like, and I know how alone you must feel a lot of the time.
So what did I do?
I started quoting from Revelation (seriously) frequently and angrily telling him about what would happen if he didn't repent...NOW.
I started giving him a hard time about not coming to church.
I even YELLED at him that there was a God who loved him, and why didn't he see that he was a sinner???!!!
We started to grow apart, just months after our wedding.
I had my agenda, and forget about whatever he was telling me that he needed.
I truly thought I was doing the right thing, and as a new Christian, I think all I really understood were rules. There seemed to be safety in rules: This is good, and this over here is bad.
I remember telling a wise pastor friend how I was going to try and "trick" him into coming to church to hear a message on Salvation, and that maybe after he heard it presented in this certain way he would turn from his evil ways and lead me in Bible study.
She looked at me, and very kindly, suggested that maybe I should stay home with him instead and make him some pancakes. She basically said, "He's heard this message many times. What he needs now is to see it lived out."
At that moment, I felt so ashamed. I had literally been screaming Scripture at him, fighting him at every turn, and threatening to leave if he "didn't see things my way."
It hit me that it is a lot easier to talk about my faith than to live it out.
So I stayed home. And made some terrible, dry, chocolate chip pancakes. And we took a bike ride. And I stopped quoting Scripture about the lake of fire.
And you know what?
When I started to try to actually live out my faith, and to truly let God transform my heart, I actually became a kinder person.
When I started listening to my husband, and yes, submitting to him (even when I didn't always agree), our marriage became stronger.
We are still not doing Bible study together, or even praying together, but I am trusting God that that will happen one day.
And guess what? He is coming to church with Dallas and me this Sunday. :-)
Producer Ryan (from the morning show) got engaged!!!
It would be really cool if you sent him a quick congrats at ryan@thefish959.com.
His fiancee is a beautiful, nice gal named Melissa.
Yay!
Now we can start asking them when the date is. And as soon as they're married, we can start asking when they will be having kids. ;-)
Aaaahhhh....when you hear about someone starting out on this journey, doesn't it make you reminisce about your own story?
Part of the reason that I came back to the Lord a few years ago was because of my husband. I walked away from God as a teenager, not even really sure that He existed. By the time I hit my 20s, I was making bad choices left and right and looking for something that would take away my pain.
My (future) hubby and I had been dating a few years when I realized that I wanted to clean myself up and be a person that was worthy of him. The short version is that I started going to church on my own, and rededicated my life to God. With His help, I was able to to get myself under control, but it was not an overnight process.
(future) Hubby and I got engaged shortly after that, and I continued going to church. I remember reading The Purpose-Driven Life on our honeymoon, and really feeling like a new life was beginning. Suddenly, all of the bad things that had happened to me made sense, and I realized that God was going to work everything out.
And they all lived happily ever after, right?
(Insert the sound of the needle scratching off the record here.)
When I shared this with my hubby, he announced that faith was a private thing, and that he didn't like the churches I was checking out as I was trying to find a church home close to our new house. He came with me to one once, and ended up walking out before worship was over. He walked home rather than stay there with me. He wouldn't pray with me or read the Bible, and he didn't want to hear about what I was learning. He thought religious people were hypocrites...end of story. There were many references to televangelists who took money from older folks.
I was shocked, because I thought that since he had seen this former hard-partying, crazy woman become a happy, trustworthy, clean person he would automatically want some of whatever it was that I had found. Not so much. And I am sharing this story with you in case you are married to an unbelieving spouse. I know what this is like, and I know how alone you must feel a lot of the time.
So what did I do?
I started quoting from Revelation (seriously) frequently and angrily telling him about what would happen if he didn't repent...NOW.
I started giving him a hard time about not coming to church.
I even YELLED at him that there was a God who loved him, and why didn't he see that he was a sinner???!!!
We started to grow apart, just months after our wedding.
I had my agenda, and forget about whatever he was telling me that he needed.
I truly thought I was doing the right thing, and as a new Christian, I think all I really understood were rules. There seemed to be safety in rules: This is good, and this over here is bad.
I remember telling a wise pastor friend how I was going to try and "trick" him into coming to church to hear a message on Salvation, and that maybe after he heard it presented in this certain way he would turn from his evil ways and lead me in Bible study.
She looked at me, and very kindly, suggested that maybe I should stay home with him instead and make him some pancakes. She basically said, "He's heard this message many times. What he needs now is to see it lived out."
At that moment, I felt so ashamed. I had literally been screaming Scripture at him, fighting him at every turn, and threatening to leave if he "didn't see things my way."
It hit me that it is a lot easier to talk about my faith than to live it out.
So I stayed home. And made some terrible, dry, chocolate chip pancakes. And we took a bike ride. And I stopped quoting Scripture about the lake of fire.
And you know what?
When I started to try to actually live out my faith, and to truly let God transform my heart, I actually became a kinder person.
When I started listening to my husband, and yes, submitting to him (even when I didn't always agree), our marriage became stronger.
We are still not doing Bible study together, or even praying together, but I am trusting God that that will happen one day.
And guess what? He is coming to church with Dallas and me this Sunday. :-)
6.03.2010
LAMININ
If you would like to know....I mean really KNOW....that it is true that God is holding you together at this very moment, watch this video. I have one word for you: LAMININ. Three more: Louie Giglio rules. You may have never heard of this before, but it is going to change everything for you. This is the video that I wish I could watch again for the first time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0-NPPIeeRk
6.02.2010
THE TWENTY-FIRST TIME
It is an honor that, being in Christian radio, we are able to partner
with many ministries that are doing incredible things. Many times,
though, I have come home in tears after working with them to try to
raise money to feed the poor, build houses for families living in shacks
in third-world countries, or provide Christmas presents for the
children of prisoners and receiving a less than stellar response.
And I wonder why. Do we not care about suffering, whether it's in Africa or even right in front of us? And why am I not doing more myself?
I mean, how often have we heard or read Bible verses like this?
Proverbs 21:13
If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered.
That is a terrifying verse to me!
Or how about this one?
Matthew 25:40
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
And this?
Luke 16:19-25. "Now there was a certain rich man, and he habitually dressed in purple and fine linen, gaily living in splendor every day. And a certain poor man named Lazarus was laid at his gate, covered with sores, and longing to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man's table; besides, even the dogs would come and lick his sores.
Now it came about that the poor man died and he was carried away by the angels to Abraham's bosom; and the rich man also died and was buried. And in Hades, being in torment, he lifted up his eyes, and saw Abraham far away, and Lazarus in his bosom.
And he cried out and said, 'Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water and cool off my tongue; for I am in agony in this flame.'
But Abraham said, 'Child, remember that during your life you received your good things, and likewise Lazarus bad things; but now he is being comforted here, and you are in agony...'"
I just had heart palpitations while reading this passage from Luke again.
Think about it.
What would YOU do if you woke up tomorrow morning, went out to grab the paper or load up the car, and found a homeless man slumped against your mailbox? What would be going through your mind as you took in his matted hair, the dirt smudged all over his face, and the oozing sores that were being licked by the neighbor's golden retriever?
Would you scream for the kids to get back inside and call the police?
Would you kick him and tell him to get off of your property?
Or would you invite him inside and cook him a hot breakfast?
Would you even give him the crumbs from your blueberry bran muffin, or the kids' waffles?
Although you may not wake up to a scenario this dramatic tomorrow, chances are you have many chances throughout the day to bless a Lazarus. And it may not even be that you are consciously looking away, not making eye contact (you know how it is...whatever you do...DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT, or you might have to give them money.), or ignoring someone that is in need. You might be so rushed and crazy busy that you truly don't notice. I am so guilty of that! But I wonder if my excuse that I had a ginormous to-do list and that lots of things on there "were for the Kingdom" is going to matter one day when I am standing before God and giving an account of my life and why I didn't stop for a moment to even say, "Sir, are you okay? Is there anything I can get for you?"
Check out this note I got from Char:
There is a song that mentions passing someone "for the 21st time".....what if
we do that?? Scary. I have co-workers who think I'm crazy because we work
right by a restaurant and there is always a homeless guy sitting by the
bus stop and at least once a month (I don't go out to lunch often), I will
go buy a burger, fries and drink, give it to the guy at the
bus stop and then go get my 5.00 sandwich at the fast-food place....they ask why he
gets the better lunch and I say "he doesn't eat as often".
Char, thank you for your heart, and for being willing to take time in your busy day to bless someone. I am betting that the impact of your kindness goes far beyond just lunch for this man.
The song Char referred to is by Monk and Neagle, and it's called "The Twenty-First Time." Here are some of the lyrics:
Nowhere to live, nowhere to fall
he used to have money, but he’s wasted it all.
His face is a photograph burned in my mind,
but I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time
He sleeps under stars, that’s all he can afford
His blanket's an old coat he’s had since the war
He stands on the corner of Carter and Vine
But I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time
He may be a drifter, he’s grown old and gray
But what if he’s Jesus and I walk away?
I say I’m the body and drink of the wine
but I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time
We know the verses. We hear the songs. We even sing along with the songs. So why don't we give? Why don't we stop and at least make eye contact and acknowledge the person who is in trouble?
I think we are scared. I think that it is depressing. I think that we have very real problems that we deal with every day that keep our minds busy. But I don't think that the way to help the poor in the way that we are called to is to try really hard. I think that the way to care for the poor, to love them, is to allow God to transform our heart, and our actions will then be the natural outcome of that transformation. I remember hearing Beth Moore say that, at the end of the day, we're not going to do what we think we OUGHT to do, but what we WANT to do, so she was asking God to change her "want-to."
Maybe God has changed you, and, like Brandon Heath's song, really has given you His eyes to see the worth of those around you. We would love to hear about it. Maybe you are praying for God to change you from the inside out. We would love to hear about that, and we would love to pray for you.
And I wonder why. Do we not care about suffering, whether it's in Africa or even right in front of us? And why am I not doing more myself?
I mean, how often have we heard or read Bible verses like this?
Proverbs 21:13
If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered.
That is a terrifying verse to me!
Or how about this one?
Matthew 25:40
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
And this?
Luke 16:19-25. "Now there was a certain rich man, and he habitually dressed in purple and fine linen, gaily living in splendor every day. And a certain poor man named Lazarus was laid at his gate, covered with sores, and longing to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man's table; besides, even the dogs would come and lick his sores.
Now it came about that the poor man died and he was carried away by the angels to Abraham's bosom; and the rich man also died and was buried. And in Hades, being in torment, he lifted up his eyes, and saw Abraham far away, and Lazarus in his bosom.
And he cried out and said, 'Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water and cool off my tongue; for I am in agony in this flame.'
But Abraham said, 'Child, remember that during your life you received your good things, and likewise Lazarus bad things; but now he is being comforted here, and you are in agony...'"
I just had heart palpitations while reading this passage from Luke again.
Think about it.
What would YOU do if you woke up tomorrow morning, went out to grab the paper or load up the car, and found a homeless man slumped against your mailbox? What would be going through your mind as you took in his matted hair, the dirt smudged all over his face, and the oozing sores that were being licked by the neighbor's golden retriever?
Would you scream for the kids to get back inside and call the police?
Would you kick him and tell him to get off of your property?
Or would you invite him inside and cook him a hot breakfast?
Would you even give him the crumbs from your blueberry bran muffin, or the kids' waffles?
Although you may not wake up to a scenario this dramatic tomorrow, chances are you have many chances throughout the day to bless a Lazarus. And it may not even be that you are consciously looking away, not making eye contact (you know how it is...whatever you do...DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT, or you might have to give them money.), or ignoring someone that is in need. You might be so rushed and crazy busy that you truly don't notice. I am so guilty of that! But I wonder if my excuse that I had a ginormous to-do list and that lots of things on there "were for the Kingdom" is going to matter one day when I am standing before God and giving an account of my life and why I didn't stop for a moment to even say, "Sir, are you okay? Is there anything I can get for you?"
Check out this note I got from Char:
There is a song that mentions passing someone "for the 21st time".....what if
we do that?? Scary. I have co-workers who think I'm crazy because we work
right by a restaurant and there is always a homeless guy sitting by the
bus stop and at least once a month (I don't go out to lunch often), I will
go buy a burger, fries and drink, give it to the guy at the
bus stop and then go get my 5.00 sandwich at the fast-food place....they ask why he
gets the better lunch and I say "he doesn't eat as often".
Char, thank you for your heart, and for being willing to take time in your busy day to bless someone. I am betting that the impact of your kindness goes far beyond just lunch for this man.
The song Char referred to is by Monk and Neagle, and it's called "The Twenty-First Time." Here are some of the lyrics:
Nowhere to live, nowhere to fall
he used to have money, but he’s wasted it all.
His face is a photograph burned in my mind,
but I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time
He sleeps under stars, that’s all he can afford
His blanket's an old coat he’s had since the war
He stands on the corner of Carter and Vine
But I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time
He may be a drifter, he’s grown old and gray
But what if he’s Jesus and I walk away?
I say I’m the body and drink of the wine
but I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time
We know the verses. We hear the songs. We even sing along with the songs. So why don't we give? Why don't we stop and at least make eye contact and acknowledge the person who is in trouble?
I think we are scared. I think that it is depressing. I think that we have very real problems that we deal with every day that keep our minds busy. But I don't think that the way to help the poor in the way that we are called to is to try really hard. I think that the way to care for the poor, to love them, is to allow God to transform our heart, and our actions will then be the natural outcome of that transformation. I remember hearing Beth Moore say that, at the end of the day, we're not going to do what we think we OUGHT to do, but what we WANT to do, so she was asking God to change her "want-to."
Maybe God has changed you, and, like Brandon Heath's song, really has given you His eyes to see the worth of those around you. We would love to hear about it. Maybe you are praying for God to change you from the inside out. We would love to hear about that, and we would love to pray for you.
6.01.2010
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